thanksgiving

Its thanksgiving.

I for one thing am very thankful for so many things.

I super thankful to my family, especially my parents because the have supported me no matter what.

Im thankful for my parents for still accepting me and loving me and especially my bea.

Im thankful for my siblings because they still have respect for me and they still love me

Im thankful for my friends - my real friends because they never judged me and still accepted me for who i am. And to those who did, im thankful too, because i have just been stronger than before despite your wisecracks, your 'holier-than-thou' attitude, and all your backbiting and backstabbing. (so where the hell are you going with that? at least im being real)

Im thankful for the relatives who stood by me thru thick and thin without judgement. to my super cousins who still respected me (you know who you are. sobrang thanks. I dont know how i would get thru this without you guys. your love and support. I owe you guys BIG TIME!)

Im thankful to my King, my God and my Saviour because He gave me this beautiful little angel Bea to take care of.

Im thankful for Bea because she just gave me more meaning to my life.

grrr

and so, that as i mature thing i got was sooooo TUMPAK! hehehhe!

maybe im a bit um....pissed off? but then hey. cant blame me! shit happens and damn this shit! so freakin annoyed with the way some people think. grrrrrr

yun lang ang masasabi ko.....GGGRRR and GROW UP! bwiset! umayos ka nga! grrrr!

as i mature....

surveys

This is what boredom did to me.

survey says!

survey1

1.your worst nickname
- > kristeta

2.fave thing to do at a party
- > mingle and eat

3.fave outfit
- > anything im comfortable with and still looks good on me

4.most hated song
- > cant think of any at the moment

5.i hate it when....
- > i'm depressed

6.fave sport
- > basketball

7.favorite expression
- > sweetness. sadness.

8.most dramatic thing you've done
- > made a scene with matching tears

9.i want...
-> it to be perfect

10.fave country
- > norway

11.worst drink youve had
- > submarine! the only thing that got me puke! grr

12.worst odor youve smelt
- > sulfur mixed with farts....eeeew

13.worst kind of person
- > hard to describe

14.your ticklish spot
- > somewhere in my body! hehehe

15.where you wanna go ryt now
- > i wanna go get a hug from them

16.i feel like eating....
- > anything

17.worst excuse you've ever heard
- > e ganun e.

18.fave simpsons character?
- > lisa

19.ym or msn..?
- > YM

20.fave fresh fruit shake
- > banana-melon

21.worst fruit
- > durian

22.worst scar?
- > on my right arm

23.will&grace or friends..
- > friends, but will and grace are a close second

24.dream life...
- > is still a dream wishing for it to come true...someday

25.sh*t or cr*p..
- > shit

26.lamb or steak?
- > steak

27.pink w/ brown OR pink w/ blue..?
- > pink w/ blue

28.converse Or adidas..?
- > adidas

29.fave bottomless drink
- > iced tea!

30.a billion $s or happiness?
- > happiness anytime

32.gatorade or ice-tea..?
- > ice tea

33.dream guy/girl ?
- > still a dream....

35. madonna or britney
- > none

36. fave american idol
- > none

38. worst actor/actress?
- > dont know, dont care

39. spongebob or patrick?
- > patrick

40. pasta or pizza?
- > pasta and pizza

41. fave nail polish color
- > pink!

42. fave tv channel
- > none

43. fave piece of jewelry
- > none

44. fave ice cream flavor
- > rocky road. mint chocolate chip

45. beyonce or j-lo?
- > either?

46. be a ghost or be an angel?
- > both?

47. left or right handed?
- > right

48. champorado or champola?
- > champola

49. cellphone or iPOD?
- > cellphone

50. answer another survey or is this the last survey
for today?
- > another survey!

survey2

LAST PERSON WHO
x. Slept in your bed?
** me!

x. Saw you cry:
** lala

x. Made you cry:
** circumstances

x. You shared a drink with:
** i forgot

x. You went to the movies with:
** raqui

x. You went to the mall with:
** ate marife, kuya weng, lala, raqui and anna

x. Yelled at you:
** schiatzi

x. Sent you an email:
** sir spence and anna


HAVE YOU EVER. . .
x. Said "I Love You" and meant it?:
** oh yes!

x. Gotten in a fight with your pet:
** nope

x. Been to China:
** yup

x. Been to Canada:
** yup

x. Do you have a crush on someone:
** yup

x. What book are you reading now:
** the pregnancy book

x. Worst feeling in the world
** depression

x. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?:
** no

x. Favorite sport to watch:
** basketball, volleyball, badminton

x. Siblings:
** 3

x. Location:
** hayward, ca

x. College plans:
** already accomplished =)

x. Piercings:
** ears

x. Tattoo:
** none

EXTRA STUFF
x. Do you do drugs:
** no no no

x. Do you drink:
** yes yes yes

x. Who is your best friend:
** schiatzi

x. What clothes do you sleep in:
** daster? shorts and shirt

x. Where do you want to get married:
** hmmm

x. Who do you really hate
** don't ask.

x. Been in Love:
** yup yup yup

x. Do you drive:
** yup

x. Do you like being around people:
** it depends on the mood

x. Are you for world peace:
** yes

STUFF
x. Have you ever liked someone you had
no chance with:
** yup yup yup

x. Have you ever cried over something/someone of
the opposite sex:
** yup

x. Do you have a "type" of person you
always go after:
** usually, i guess...

x. Are you lonely right now:
** a bit

x. Song thats stuck in your head:
** since you've been gone by boyz 2 men

x. Do you want to get married?
** eventually, yes

x. Do you want kids:
** yup

FAVORITE
x. Room in house:
** the tv room downstairs

x. Type of music:
** depends on the mood

x. Band(s):
** mymp, parokya, etc.

x. Perfume or cologne:
** tribu

x. Month:
** december

x. Stone:
** turquoise.

IN THE LAST WEEK, HAVE YOU:
x. Cried?
** yep

x. Bought something?:
** yep

x. Gotten sick:
** nope

x. Sang:
** yep

survey3

1. anong brand ng suot mong tshirt ngayon?
- uh, pantulog lang 'to e.

2. anong oras na?
- 7:55 am

3. anong sked mo sa school?
- di na ko pumapasok e

4. anong pinapakinggan mo ngayon?
- mga kotseng dumadaan sa likod

5. anong nararamdaman mo ngayon?
- masakit ang likod, at linalamigan

6. anong gagawin mo pag may sumuntok sayo ng
walang reason?
- e di suntukin ko rin cya! gago pala cya e. mas malakas ako sakanya no! ano akala nya!

7. anong itsura mo pag nalalasing?
- hee hee hee... pareho pa rin.

8. anong gagawin mo pag nakakuha ka ng
Php1000 sa kalsada?
- ibubulsa ko, tapos isipin kung anong gagawin ko dun

9. anong balak mong gawin tomorrow?
- sunduin c mom sa airport

10. anong brand ng huling sapatos na sinuot mo?
- walang brand

11. kelan ka huling sumakay ng fx/taxi?
- nung nasa pinas pa ako... 3 months ago?

12. kelan ka huling nakakita ng multo?
- nung bata pa ko..mga 4 yrs old ako nun

13. umaakyat ka ba sa bubong ng bahay nyo?
- dati, sa jakarta, oo

14. marunong ka bang lumangoy?
- oo naman

15. nakapunta ka na ba sa gateway mall?
- oo naman

16. ano huli mong kinain?
- kanin, mechado at chocolate

17. nakasakay ka na ba ng cyclone loop sa star
city?
- di pa.

18. madalas ka bang makita sa baywalk?
- nope.

19. nakakanta ka na ba sa videoke bar?
- oo naman!

20. nakapasok ka na ba sa UP diliman?
- oo naman!

21. anong katangian mo ang maipagmamalaki mo
sa mga tao?
- proud ako

22. makulet ka bang tao?
- minsan

23. magaganda ba kanta ni babyface?
- oh yes of course

24. e ng destiny's child?
- ok lang

25. naexperience mo na ba na maglakad sa
habang umuulan?
- oh yes

26. magaling ka ba magscrabble?
- magaling? di naman

27. mahilig ka ba sa movies ni jackie chan?
- ok lang

28. ok ba sayo ang long distance relationship?
- i guess

29. kelan ka huling namili sa sm?
- bago ako umalis ng pinas

30. anong gagawin mo pag may biglang humalik sa
yo ng hindi mo alam?
- magugulat!

31. describe mo nga mga friends mo?
- friends ko? da best!

32. may nagregalo ba sayo nung bday mo?
- meron naman.

33. madami ka bang friends?
- marami rami rin

34. nasan ka pala ngayon?
- bahay ni ate marife

35. anong sim mo?
- globe

36. ilang beses na naview profile mo since this
month?
- 9 raw since 9/1/05

37. may eyebags ka ba?
- oo

38. kelan ka huling nagka-black eye?
- high school yata

39. describe your school library?
- malamig

40. umiyak ka na ba in front of your friends?
- yes

41. anong reason?
- pag sobrang sad ako?

42. minsan ba naisip mo na sana may katabi ka
pagtulog?
- yes yes yes

43. anong gagawin mo pag nag-log-out ka na?
- baka humiga ulit. sakit ng likod ko e

44. ano anong bagay na makikita sa kwarto mo?
- sa kwarto ko? naalala ko lang yung bed.... miss ko na bed ko

45. nag-aral ka ba sa private school?
- oo

46. nanonood ka ba ng encantadia at darna?
- nasa office ako nun e

47. sino sa tingin mo sasagot din nito?
- wala!

48. may balak ka bang mag-artista?
- la naman... =)

49. anong pinagkakaabalahan mo these days?
- being preggy =)

50. anong gagawin mo after u answer this survey?
- nasagot ko na yata yan tanong na yan

my rat feat

oh ya! friends! alam nyo ba? last week, I
CAUGHT A RAT! yes yes, may rats rin dito sa states.
akalain mo? hehehe. e may nakita ako tumatakbo na
daga, maliit lang sya, ciguro its as long as our
palm. (minus the fingers ha) e pilay pa, so, takbo ako
sa kitchen, kuha ng paper towel, ang bumalik sa sala
kung nasan yung daga, then i caught it! saya no? (z,
naalala ko tuloy yung thesis/cockroach killing days
ko. hehehe) tapos, syempre pinakita ko sa mga alaga ko
yung daga! (proud pa e!) hehehe. tapos, linagay ko sa
ziplock yung daga, and ayun...baka namatay na yung
daga.

yes yes, i washed my hands naman. syempre no! inihian
ako ng daga e. pero thru the paper towel, pero ihi
parin yun, kaya, mega wash my hands ako! hehehe. dapat
pala pinic-turan ko yung daga para makita nyo rin!
hehehe.

time flies

it really does fly! i cant believe its august already! good Lord! and i only have a few more weeks of anticipating for my baby to come out!

Anyways,i will soon post more pics of me...yung mga mas matino naman. hehehe!
BTW, Mel, i AM starting to have bigger hips too, but im very DETERMINED to lose all then when the time comes. hehehe!

updates

This is how i currently look like :)


i know i know... i havent blogged in ....more than a month.
So, for those of you guys anxious to know...(meron ba? ;))
im doing fine here in Cali. Currently taking care of my pamangkins and bumming around at the same time.
I am, of course, getting bigger, but then not getting as much exercise as i ought to. I guess doing nothing besides take care of the kids, eat and sleep and the occasional clean up the house has been my routine. Well, its my fault too, coz i dont make any effort to go walk around... nakakatamad e. Bad ko noh?

anywho, last weekend, i went kite flying... funny, kung kelan buntis e, dun pa nagpalipad ng saranggola. hehehe. So, what else is new? well, i for one want to go PAMPER myself real bad....as in go to a SPA ( ok, too much...) maybe just the salon, get my hair and nails done, have a relaxing massage and just feel good about myself! thats not too much to ask right? well, i guess you dont have the luxury of that here as we do back in the philippines.

Speaking of the Philippines, i miss the FOOD! syempre there are filipino restaurants here, but nothing beats the AUTHENTIC thing. i mean, so far, i havent seen a single restaurant that sells Sizzling Sisig the way Dencios, Giligan's or Gerry's does. Or those tapsilogs, longsilogs, and other silogs like the ones they have there in Pilar. Plus McDo and Jolibee doesnt taste the same as there in Phil. Its WAY better tasting there. (and obviously, food is WAY cheaper in the Phil.)

You know one more thing i miss about the Philippines? The commercials. Just believe it or not. Commercials there in the philippines are more....interesting. funny. more products. Here? all the commercials i see are about the Cars, Diapers, Medicine, Insurance, Cereals, Cellphone Network provider (getting more minutes to be exact)...and basically thats it. In the phil, you have wide ranges of commercials about hot dogs, tuna, chicken, shampoo, cleaning detergents, beer, feminine wash, napkins, cigarettes, cellphone network providers and their new services, milk, and what not! plus sobrang catchy pa ng jingles or phrases/taglines, whatever. When you watch commercials there in the phil, you still get entertained. here... wala lang. Maybe thats just me. but i swear. I miss watching and hearing that JOY commercial! heheheh

You notice how BORED i am?

missing

i miss.....
surprisingly....manila
driving
watching movies
my busier that now schedule
my work
my co-workers
chatting on the email with my co-workers
petiks
my friends
hanging out with my friends
playing at timezone with my schiatzi
midnight lunches with schiatzi
talking to schiatzi
getting lots of text from schiatzi
getting calls from schiatzi
my schiatzi
=====
oo na, obsessed..sorry na, pero, sobrang miss ko na e.... sigh.... so sad :(

away from home

Im not in the Philippines anymore.
I havent been away from home in such a looong time, and its changes changes changes all over again.
Ive gotten used to so many things already, and yet i have to go through it all over again.
I know change is inevitable, and im all for it. Its just that sometimes, it can get really lonely and sad especially since you have already established your comfort zone.

What's up with me?
Well, for the weekend, my relatives and their friends have done nothing but fed me. Puro ribs, steaks, meat, cakes, ice cream, etc... in short all yummy fattening foods! Good Lord, I really have to cut down and watch what im eating coz if I dont, Ill be double my size in no time!

Today, ate Marife left her special angel with us. She taught me how to feed her thru her feeding tube. Its not bad at all. Anna is really nice. she's not so hard to take care of. Sobrang bait nya. Ill be posting her picture soon. She's a five year old girl, but she's only as big as a one year old. She cant walk or talk yet. She smiles a lot. And when she doesnt smile the whole day, that means sobrang nahihirapan na sya sa sakit nya. Her mouth is always open coz she cant breathe well. Esp now since she has cough and colds.

I can feel my baby getting bigger in my tummy! Although I dont want to post pictures of me yet.... maybe when my tummy is really big na. I can feel her kick my bladder sometimes, tuloy, I have to rush to the bathroom whenever she does that. hehehe!

It can get boring here in the house. Especially when you're all alone. Thank God for the internet! Oh well, i guess this is it for now.

Oh yah! I just found out. Kaya pala yung bagong migration sa office ay Neptune, and its based in New Jersey.....well, there's actually a city in New Jersey called Neptune..... AHHHHHH... heheheh. La lang.... Just a thought lang.

Thank God for roaming....although it can get a bit expensive for me, but its worth it. Another thought. heheheh.....oh ya, for you ppl who want to text me here, my number is +639159999589. Piso lang yan sainyo ha! kaya, text na!!!

Surprise Surprise

I had a very pleasant surprise party last night!
Thanks to Ms Carley, Bei, Avee, Ivy, the PMP, the L&C Milwaukee and most specially my dearest friends Kris, Kaye, Les, Noel and my one and only Schiatzi. Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!

You guys really made me so happy :)... and you guys made me cry too.... hehehe.
But i really honestly appreciate what you guys did for me.
Especially since it wasn't normal for you guys to be having 'lunch' at 12 midnight and everything. I know you guys were tired too, but sobrang happy lang talaga ako.
That will definitely be carved in my heart.
Thank you so much for being there for me, for understanding me, for protecting me and most of all, for loving me. Thank you.

I have utter respect and love for you guys. Thank you! :)

whew

after a whole day of shopping at greenhills ( from 10-6 ), bagsak ako. As in when i got home, i ate dinner, changed my clothes and freshened up then fell asleep.
Grabity a! hehehehe. I guess im not used to making lagari the whole day anymore. although i have to get used to it again. At least I got to see my schiatzi kahit 30 mins. hehehe! Aww... love nya nga ako! hehehe! kilig!

dang ISP

I cant check my mail at home because ISP wont allow it. Grrrr! Even mom cant check her mail na. Gosh. I might end up checking mail at the mall nalang. Thank God for Ayala Discount plus. At least libre for 15 minutes. hehehe.
===

Gosh, i have less than a week.
Mom and I packed up most of our stuff already.
....hay..... =(

sleepyhead

I shouldn't have gone to the office anymore after my dinner with my friends.
i came to the office at about 10:30, and I ended up sleeping from 12 all the way till 4.
Hehehehehe!!! Good thing there wasnt so much to do. So, i was pretty free to sleep.
But the thing is, syempre dyahe diba?
Oh well.
Got a parting gift from mother G. Ill open it at the house na.
Syempre I didnt expect it, but I really appreciate it.

====

Hey schiats, tem tem! Im just really happy. :)

understanding

I talked to someone today. I havent talked to him in a long time, and talking about things that really mattered gave me a boost and a sense of hope again.
First we avoided the topic of our significant others, as it might be a sensitive topic for both of us.
But eventually, things led from one thing to another, and we ended up talking about it.

It felt good to know that the stuff im going thru is actually 'normal' in our situation.
It felt good to know that Im not alone, and im not the only one who felt this way.
It felt good to get some advice from someone who went thru it already and overcame the situation.
Im sure that one day, with God's help, Schiatz and i will overcome it as well.

So to you, many many thanks!

And to my schiats, tem tem.... dont worry.... di pa rin kita papalitan....swerte ka gwapo ka! hahahaha! Love you!

he was SUPER sweet today.
la lang....kinikilig lang ako.....
and it feels good!!!!
Love you schiats!

agreement

Its been decided.
We make the most out of the days left.
And when Bianca and I leave,
we have to think about where our relationship is headed;
what we really want;
If we see each other together OR not in the future;
If we want it bad enough to make it work;
If we believe in it enough to make it happen;
And what's best for Bianca.
And when Bianca and I come back,
we will talk things out;
Lay out our cards
And make our final decision.
Fair enough.

moving on

Now that things are better between my schiatzi and me, a part of me is dreading to leave.
I cant help it. I mean, i guess its understandable to be so anxious to leave and to go to a place where you can forget about everything when things dont go right. But now that things are better, i dont want to leave. And if i do, i really wish i could take him along with me and our angel.
===
Had 'lunch' with my girlfriend today. Ang haba ng hair mo a girl! You have 2 guys in line (which makes you happy and im happy for you! At least hindi ka nauubusan diba? hehehe), and another who uses you as a 'template' or standard to find his 'dream' .... could you be the 'dream'? freaky, but possible.
But you know what, Im happy for you! Just continue having fun....para ako kiligin rin sa mga stories! hehehe
===
Listened to my officemate today about her woes (apparently, a lot of us had bad luck after the Beach outing on April 23-24). She got herself into a situation she never imagined she would be in. And soon, she would make the right and proper decision about it. After 2-3 months. Im happy she's decided. She also thinks that the only way to move on is to get out of the country. Which is so true. Even I think so. I just pray for the best for her.
===
After reading a blog of a friend and listening to friends' stories, the more that I get scared. Why? well, in all the stories that i have read and heard, one thing always pops up- how relationships end because the other finds someone else in the workplace. -That is my biggest fear. Honestly, truthfully and I swear with all my heart, THAT is my biggest fear. That Schiatzi might find someone else, especially while we're away. I trust him and love him with all my heart. Im just holding on to his words.
===

Thats all for now, I gotta get out of the office!

better

Im so happy things are so much better between Allan and I. I just hope and pray this would last.
Its just disappointing though to know that I only have 2 weeks left, but im just hoping for the best and do whatever i can to..... whatever. Basta, yun na yun.

Im just happy we're ok.

===

Had a great saturday with my bionic friends at Caylabne, curtesy of Ninong Ariel. hehehe.
Galing! It was great to see them again.
===

Im sorta brain dead right now. Too much thinking I guess.
I think I should blog again later, when i can think better.

Thank you for being there for me when i needed you guys. You guys really made my day so much better. Thank you! Love you!

UGH!

You stress me out when you KNOW I DONT NEED IT
You're pushing me nearer the edge.
I have been so patient and understanding. You're abusing it.
Be real careful or something is going to happen that you may regret.
It will wholly be MY decision, NOT yours, not my parents, not anyone else's but ME.
Watch your words, watch your actions.
Our time is limited.
If you dont show what needs to be shown soon, tough!
I am bitter and its making me numb.
Numb enough to put lives on the line.
I dont want that to happen, but like i said, its UP TO YOU AND YOUR ACTIONS
I am standing on my own feet.
Im really hurt by you. By all people, you're the last one I expected this from.

"lahat tayo may kanya-kanyang istorya, sa bawat haplos ng hangin, may naiiwang alaala. At sa bukas na puno ng hiwaga, kailangan harapin ng may pananalig at tiwala....." -Enigma
====

Lag

My brain is officially lagging today. I cant seem to do my work properly. Its always spacing out. Hay. I know this is the effect of SIGNIFICANT LACK OF SLEEP ( I only had 3 hours total of sleep today. HAy) And depression. My swollen eyes dont help either. Shucks. I only have exactly 15 days before i leave. It really hasnt sunk into me yet. I mean, I know im leaving, but It doesnt feel like it matters to those who it should really matter to, therefore prompting me to start feeling numb and maybe a bit anxious to leave because of the way its making me feel. OUch! I think i heard my heart crack again. Hay.

I am mesmerized by your heartbeat
I am fascinated with your grace
I am touched by your sensitivity
I am bonded by your silent love.

You calm me
You touch my heart
You always put a smile on this face whenever its upsidedown.
Thank you for coming into my life.

In Letting Go

"In letting go..."

There is dignity in not giving up on someone you truly love but there is more dignity in letting them go so they can experience better love.
That shows your true love because you then become unselfish and through putting others first, unconditional love grows.

There is respect in fighting gallantly to win someone's heart another time but an even greater respect comes from fighting hard and knowing when to stop.
Even though you would give anything to have the past back,
that person has touched your life in a way that will make your future so much brighter.Accept that, and hold your head high knowing you have captured their heart as well.There is courage in allowing your heart to hurt and grieve but there is greater courage in knowing it will be scarred but stronger as time goes on.

For whoever caused those scars has made your life better in some way and it will make you a better person when you marry because of what the scars taught you.Losing the person who meant the most in your life is a humbling experience yet it is even more humbling if you allow it to ruin your life and forsake all you have been blessed with when you feel like you have lost your world.Remember how many people depend on you and who you are to the world.

There is fortitude in holding on for another chance although an even greater fortitude comes from extending your hand and heart in friendship realizing you will still share things with that person no one else ever will.You will always have the looks and jokes and memories.
Don't ever discount how special those things are in your heart and theirs.

True love hurts when it is lost, but an even greater love grows inside you through realisation that something better is in the world for both of you.And that there are still things to share with that person even though some feelings may have changed.

Take their hand and help them achieve their hopes and dreams because in that there is dignity, respect, courage, humility, fortitude and the unconditional love that will continue to grow in both of your hearts.

====
Got that off a friend's blog. I just HAD to post it coz it hit me real hard. As in Aray!

As per my recent posts, i have been thinking of letting go. This is not the first time it crossed my mind. My situation is just really complicated right now therefore unabling me to think things thru thoroughly. But you know what, maybe learning to let go is something that i should really do. After all, I realize that I am too attached. Leaving my comfort zone for an extended period would allow me to do that. At least I hope it would. Maybe it would put things into better perspective. Slowly i am realizing that I should start these last 3 weeks before I fly. After all, the other one has already started to slowly let go. Why should i continue hoping and praying for something that wont happen anyway? Its like what I remember my officemate said long time back. "kung ayaw, lagi may dahilan; kung gusto, may paraan".

The song playing on my mind is Gary V.'s "Di Bale Nalang"--Perfect.

God, please help me and my angel be strong and overcome this pain we feel.

There is no tomorrow in an environment like this. only later, later, later. Its as if we are perpetually awake. Or at least try to be... or try to sleep.... whatever.
====
The dreaded news in the office is finally confirmed.
The walang kwentang director will be transferred to our department to become our direct director. -PAKSHET!
====
Di na gumagana utak ko. bukas, este, mamaya ko na tatapusin trabaho ko.

Sleepless

For the past few days..... week actually, I have been sleepless.
Its pretty bothersome. My eyes have been so maga already.
Its affecting my work.

I know i shouldnt let it but how can i not when everywhere i go, there's a different problem.
The thing is, they're not just minor everyday problems, Theyre pretty big.
Ones at home are life-changing... the ones at the office are... career/dignity changing.
Its hard to be at home, and be the sponge, absorbing all the problems, trying and striving to be strong for everyone. But I can only take so much.

I have my own problems. I still try to think positive somehow. I still try to be strong, especially for my angel.

Its this time that I really need you. Please realilze that. Please let me see you.

sayang I couldnt meet up with my sakote friends today. wanted to talk to them to get some things off my chest. Hirap kasi ng takas at tago e. hmph. Thats life for me.
We just cant seem to get a common time together. oh well. Whats new. Thats what happens to me and Allan, as well as my bionic friends, so might as well get used to it right?
Hirap lang na walang kausap. lahat naiipon. Wag lang mangyari na mapuno at sumabog.

im just hoping i get to see Allan, my sakote friends and my bionic friends before i leave.
if not, well, its just me and you against the world, baby.

Its finally the weekend. YAY!
Its been a roller coaster ride of all shades of grey this week for our family.
I continue to pray that things will start looking up again....soon.

The only thing that makes me forget the problems at home are the memories of last weekend at the beach.... well, that and the office.

====

Schiats, I miss you. I need your hug....

Summer Gataway at San Juan, Batangas

Senti moment.

This is one of the prettiest beaches that i've been too. Ganda! So peaceful, so quiet, so relaxing.

Meteor Beach?

Nope, I did not embed myself to the picture. This shot was really taken.

My favorite shot

multiple

As in Multiple entries.

im tired. I've been going up and down all the business floors of our office today running after directors and unit managers to get their signatures in time for the R&R on monday.

I dont really mind it. its just that its tiring, and with my current situation, its a bit stressful.
Im just glad that's my only load of work for today, coz if not, i would be pretty much on the brink of insanity.
====

Being on the 8th floor is great. It has its perks, even tho we're bombarded with sudden projects and deadlines from time to time. Surf all you can without the fear of your supervisor or your director catching you. And recently, we found a pack of cards in one of the drawers here. When we have nothing better to do, or just plain wanna get away from work for a while, we play cards in our 'hidden hideaway'. Playing cards is againsts the rules, but thank God for the hidden hideaway, we get away from the prying eyes of the cameras and the bosses.
hehehe!
====

Excited about our trip tomorrow! just hope our plan works to get schiats in here. :)
====

yes, yes. wala nanaman ako magawa kaya ako nakakasulat ng mahabang entry. e wala nga magawa e. heheheh
====

Funny how people say the darnest things no?? La lang, I just remembered a friend of mine. KAPAL talagahhh!!! heheheh.
====

Uy! big hit ang Onion and Cream Cheese dip ko! hehehe! AND they laughed at me when i said that that was what i dip my singkamas in. HMPH!! weird raw ako! e ano ngayon!! weird na rin kayo kasi na enjoy nyo dip ko!! hehehe! peace peace with adobo grease!
====

May napasikat nanaman ako na word! shucks! bad itoh! as in B.I. - Bastos influence! heheheh! welll.... thats the way the conversation rolls noh. Masaya naman dibuh!!
====

Sige na, baka la nang sense tong pinagsusulat ko. Bet ko! if i read this entry in the future, i'd most likely have forgotten what the hell i have been writing about.,
kaya, CIAO

One more day of sleep! Yahoo!!

looking forward

to the weekend!!! fun fun under the sun, and i will finally step on sand!
yahoo! kahit overnight lang kami, im so excited!
Ill be with Allan and my officemates and its gonna be great! :)

its a!

Allan and I are so excited!!!!
we found out that its.....

Friends! its a.......




ching! take a wild guess!!! :)

Milestone

Its my first annivesary here in AIG-BPSI.
I can't believe its officially been a year since I have been working.
I consider it as a milestone. An achievement.
After all, I heard and i know of a lot of people who graduated the same time I did, but didnt last long in their jobs. They usually resign after they get regularized because they get sick of their jobs.
Im just happy i got to stick it out this long.

To Chenille, Ona, Plong, AC, Marie, Dennis and Sheryl. - Congratulations to us!
:)

wow! im halfway there..... 4 and a half more months!!! im kinda excited about it. I just hope my loved ones are too..... hay life.

life.
grabe.
its like life!
nampucha yan. nababaliw nanaman ako. sorry na.

golly gee. Its freezing here and its not helping my migraine and my tummyache at all!!! grrrrr! nak nang pucha naman yan o! pano pa ko makakaabot sa 3am deadline ko! grrr.....

happy happy

had a great day hanging out with my loved one and friends today.
Happy happy!
laughed my a** off at lunch,
had quality time with kris, les and schiatz,
had a short but very deep sleep,
got a big ngarag with work, but my friends kidnapped me for midnight 'lunch' (yay!)
watched my friends go loco with McDo,
went back to work, rushed and nagged pasaway na bosses *ehem*!!
got offered lots and lots of free food (yellow cab pizza, turon, chips, auntie anne's, etc)
Finished my reports and released them on time.
YAY!!!
Felt very productive today. hehehe.
Plus, its a long weekend!!!!!!!!! YAHOO!!!!!

Happy Easter Everyone!!

hay.
So not myself today.
So dizzy. Such a heavy feeling.
Help me God. Please...

blog surfing

This is what happens when you have nothing to do. When you finished answering surveys and meaningless quizzes. When you've read everything posted on the bulletin and message boards (in the office and on friendster). When you finish the routine of reading your close friends' blogs and get disappointed when you find that they haven't updated it for the day (im guilty of that too. Sorry!) When you've played all the 'legal' games on your computer.....

I ended up blog surfing.

To think i didnt start with a friend's blog to start surfing.

I started surfing thru this guy's blog who randomly happened to be a pinoy cartoonist.
He had links to other bloggers; in which, of course i checked out. Some bloggers caught my attention; some didnt.

Those who did catch my attention apparently had links too. You can guess what happened next. I ended up spending 5 or more hours surfing on blogs. Reading about things that go on in their life, Checking out their artistry on their blogs converted into websites. totally changing the face of the standard blog that we're used to.

I haven't met them, but after reading their blogs, i feel like i already know those people.

More interesting is when i stumbled upon celebrities' blogs.
Some celebrities' entries didnt exactly interest me, coz its was so....common (if you know what i mean).
One caught my attention though.

Jim Paredes' blog entries.

No wonder this guy has books of his own, writing workshops to conduct and classes to teach.
I admired him before as a singer, an entertainer.
But now, I admire him on a different level.
I admire him for his person, his passion, his family, his thoughts and wisdom.

Long live Jim!
May you continue sharing your thoughts, wisdom and talents to others.
You're a unique individual who embodies what a true person you truly are ( not just because you are a celebrity).
I believe that God is spreading his love through you.
===

LSS

funny how the last song you hear will stick to your head the whole day. Last song syndrome.
even funnier if those songs are commercial jingles. Thats how powerful advertisements can be.
like that Joy song by Michael V. Some people find it pretty annoying, but i find it very.....entertaining! its such a happy happy song! they even have dance steps to it (yes yes, i suddenly remember my Jakarta days when we use to make up dances by mimicking house chores like washing clothes, sweeping and making sampay heheh!)

So friends, sing along!!

I can win, with joy in my heart
Deep deep down in my heart
J-O-Y, joy in my heart.
Deep deep down in my heart

I was watching tv earlier, and lo and behold - That 'JOY' song even has its own MTV on MYX!
hilarious!

Im not too sure how the sales of JOY are doing, but for sure its commercial did it some good.

la lang. just thinking out loud.
=========

Got this off Jana's blog then posted it at Friendster.
Since Kaye and Kris posted their's and i have nothing better to do, might as well post it here diba? hehehe.

X those that apply.
( ) snuck out of the house (not yet. didnt even wanna try I guess)
(x) got lost in your city (oh yes yes!)
(x) seen a shooting star (quite a few times too)
( ) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas (Indo days!-true dat!!)
( ) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger ( it felt surprisingly good too! maybe we both needed a hug)
(x) danced with a stranger ( at the mental hospital too! (nope I wasn't confined. I was doing an outreach!)
(x) been in a fist fight (my indo days wouldnt have been complete without that!)
( ) been arrested
( ) done drugs
(x) had alcohol (OH YES YES!!!)
(x ) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose (It freaking hurts too! couldnt go swimming for a while and we were at Palawan pa naman. Bad trip!!)
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator (Naughty me! hehehe)
( ) swore at your parents (does doing it in my head and in secret count? -same!)
(x) been in love (what's life without love? Naks!)
(x ) been to a casino (but haven't had the chance to play. too bad.)
( ) been skydiving (i wanna do this real bad!)
(x) broken a bone (Oh yes, and needed General Anesthesia for that too!)
(x) been high (but not on drugs ha!)
(x) skinny-dipped (haha! "Stay right there! Don't come here!"- hehehe! same here!)
(x) skipped school (ako pa!)
(x ) flashed someone (yup! from the car and house window! hahahah!)
( ) saw a therapist
(x) played spin the bottle (I.S. kids get pretty crazy!- I agree!!)
( ) gotten stitches
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone (gigil and trip lang! hehe)
(x) gotten the chicken pox (when i was 3 years old!)
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex (love it! Kisses is one of the most beautiful things in life!-amen to that!)
(x) kissed a member of the same sex (Truth or Dare!)
( ) crashed into a friend's car
(x) ridden in a taxi
( ) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back (who hasn't felt this way?!)
(x) stolen something from your job (does accidently putting it in your bag and kept on forgetting to return it count? heheheh!)
(x) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) seen someone die
(x) had a close friend die (got shocked and sad when I found out)
(x) Been on a plane
( ) Thrown up in a bar
(x) danced on top of a bar (oh yes and its great!! You guys should try it sometime!)
( ) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi(One of the finest foods that i have eaten :))
(x) Met someone in person from the internet
( ) lost a child
(x) gone to college
(x) graduated college
( ) done hard drugs
(x) tried killing yourself
( ) fired a gun
(x) purposely hurt yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now

Thank you

Super Friends!!!
To Les, Kaye and Kris,
I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
It was such a pleasant surprise to see you guys and kidnap me from work, even if it was just for a while.
Sobrang saya ko. as in!
Thanks you guys for making me smile.
Its really great to have true friends like you.
Ang saya saya.
Thanks so much.
.... And I will really think about my plans about going ...there. Basta. Lam nyo na yun.
Thank you thank you thank you!
i cant say thank you enough... basta, THANKS!!! =)

.....oi.......

these songs have touched and spoken to me today.
It basically has a gist of what i feel, or what i want to say.

SOUTH BORDER- Wherever you are

I LOVE TO SEE THE OCEAN’S BEAUTY
AND THE MOON THAT SHINES ABOVE
ALONE IN THE SAND LOOKING AT THE STARS
WISHING SOMEDAY I WOULD FIND TRUE LOVE
WOULD IT BE NICE TO SEE THE MORNING
WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE THE MOST
WOULD IT BE NICE TO SAY GOODNIGHT
TO THE ONE YOU HOLD SO CLOSE TO YOUR HEART
TO YOUR HEART.

Chorus:
THE WIND THAT BLOWS THE DOVE
IS THE WIND THAT BLOWS MY LOVE
HOPE IT’LL FIND ITS WAY TO YOU WHEREVER YOU ARE.

I LOVE TO SIT IN FIELDS OF GREEN LOOKING
DEEPLY THROUGH THE SKY
WATCHING BIRDS AS THEY FLY BY
HOPING SOMEDAY FATE WILL BRING ME TRUE LOVE.
WOULD IT BE NICE TO HOLD SOMEONE S
O DEAR, NEAR YO UR HEART
WOULD IT BE NICE TO HEAR THOSE WORDS
I LOVE YOU FROM THE ONE THAT YOU LOVE,
THAT YOU LOVE.

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge:
I’D LOVE TO SEE MYSELF ONE DAY
IN THE ARMS OF SOMEONE
WHO WILL SHARE HIS LIFE WITH ME
SELFLESSLY…SOMEDAY…
YOU WILL FIND YOUR WAY…TO ME…

(Repeat Chorus)


Lea Salonga- Anything for you
(l. dermer/j. galdo)

Anything for you
Though you’re not here
Since you said we’re through
It seems like yearsT
ime keeps draggin’ on and on
And forever’s been and gone
Still I can’t figure what went wrongI

’d still do anything for you
I’ll play your game
You hurt me through and through
But you can have your way
I can’t pretend each time I see you
That I don’t care and I don’t need you
And though you’ll never see me cryin’
You know inside I feel like dyin’

And I’d do anything for you
In spite of it all
I’ve learned so much from you
You made me strong

Don’t you ever think I don’t love you
That for one minute I forgot you
But sometimes things don’t work out right
And you just have to say goodbye

I hope you find someone to please you
Someone who’ll care and never leave you
But if that someone ever hurts you
You just might need a friend to turn to

And I’d do anything for youI’ll give you up
That’s what I should do
To make you happy

I can’t pretend each time I see you
That I don’t care and I don’t need you
And though inside I feel like dyin
’You know you’ll never see me cryin’
Don’t you ever think that I don’t love you
That for one minute I forgot you
But sometimes things don’t work out right
And you just have to say goodbye.
Don’t want to say goodbye


===================================

Those are just a few of the songs speaking to me.
There are so much more.
Im in one hell of a rollercoaster ride.
And it sucks.
I need someone.
I need a hug.
My tears definitely need a rest.

too much.
im about to explode.
one last shot.

By Steph

Teach me to smile
I've forgotten the way
Teach me to speak
What can I say?
Show me your god
To whom I've never prayed
Be with me
No one else has stayed
Strengthen my heart
For it is tattered and frayed
I would learn to love
If you let me, if I may
And if I learn to live
How much must I pay?
Will you take my life?
And lay it on a silver tray
And if I take your hand
Will we be o.k?
Or will you fight
And keep me away
Will you teach me to love?
Or keep my feelings at bay
Should I be with you?
At night and in the day
Or should I do what you say
And stay so far away

bad habit

tsk tsk tsk!!
I should punish myself for this bad habit i have acquired. : Peeling my lips. Yup!
Bad noh? I peel the skin off my lips when they start to get dry to the point that they bleed na.
And i cant stop myself till all the dry skin is gone! Bad ko talaga. Need to quit that habit!!! GRRR!!! Naughty kris!!

What I would LOVE to have right now

- SIOMAI BANDUNG drowned in Peanut sauce
- Chicken Katsu from Hoka Hoka Bento
- 10 bottles (or Tetra Pack) of Teh Botol
- Authentic Sate Ayam dengan Perkedel dan Peanut sauce of course from the sidewalk vendor in Pondok Indah.
- Bakmi Ayam and Pansit Goreng from Bakmi Gajah Mada
- Lidah Buaya Juice from that small resto near dad's apartment
- Nyonya Suharti Chicken

Anyone know where i can get at least one or two of these items without having to fly to Jakarta?
booohoooo!!!!
Im craving for these REAL BAD!!!!! :(

insomnia

wala na ba mas titindi pa sa insomnia ko? 2 hrs in 2 days???/ Grrrr!
Nakakabaliw! as in! i tried everything to get to sleep (except knock myself out by hurting myself of course, plus bawal sleeping pills e. Hay!)
===========================================================

i miss you - the meaning

“I miss you” means everything and nothing, it is unflinching and honest. It is upbeat and simple, with wisps of longing and clouds of hope. You miss people you used to love, people you used to want, people you used to need. But most of the time the missing is all that’s left, and that’s OK, there’s nothing else you’d change.

The three words that mean the most aren’t “I love you”, with its history of being an accomplice to lies, with its bad reputation as a myth. What is “I love you” but the easy way out, the secret weapon revealed at the ends of long-drawn battles between desperation and despair? “I love you” is what you say when you run out of valid arguments but decide to keep fighting anyway. “I love you” is what you use when you want to appear to be someone you’re not. These are powerful words, powerful in the way that politicians and generals are nowadays, worth their weight in gold. “I love you” has been the pillar of empires and friendships, and their causes for downfall. “I love you” is where you build the tower of your trust, only to see it crumble down when these words are said to someone else. “I love you” is what you use when you want to be unfair, when you want to deliberately hurt. “I love you” throws the whole equation in chaos, unbalances the seesaw. It implies the loss of reason and pride, but is used to manipulate, to blackmail, leaving behind disillusionment and disappointment.

The three words that mean the most aren’t “I want you”, with its raw, blatant inconsideration, its implications of a primal need that is best released orgasmically. “I want you” is what spoiled brats say, it’s what selfish bitches say, it’s what horny boys say. “I want you” is harsh, said through clenched teeth, said with wild eyes. “I want you” is a physical sentence, the amalgamation of skin against a number of factors: skin on skin, fingernail on skin, teeth on skin. It is violent and rapid, a whirlwind of emotion, an explosion of saliva and other bodily fluids. These are words that have no origin, they emerge from the basest of instincts, they are triggered by smell, by touch, by the look of rawness in another person’s eyes. These are words that signal the coming of a storm, and like most storms, they wreak havoc and then depart, leaving behind ruin and wounds.

The three words that mean the most aren’t “I need you”, with its childish, clingy implications, its sad, pathetic grievances. “I need you” leaves you open, blinding you to yourself, eradicating all traces of self-respect. “I need you” is the dying breath of a failed relationship. It is the battlecry of an overpowered suitor. These words signal the clinging to memories that are either long gone, or never were. These words bypass true necessity to make fools out of the sayers. These are not words to be used by all; it takes the strongest persons to relay this message correctly. Otherwise all is naught, you only reveal yourself as an empty shell craving for something, anything, to fill it. But then, the strongest persons never have the need to say these words. It’s the irony of life. These words are like taking a knife to your throat and piercing your skin gently, leaving behind a trail of blood too thin for anyone to see, but painful enough for you to feel.

The three words that mean the most, I think, the ones that really hit the mark, and often in the most unexpected of ways, are “I miss you”. This is the sentence that sends the message right home. Because what other message is there? Nothing else, except exactly just that, “I miss you”, and everything else is pulled along into it, like a chain reaction. Unlike “I love you” and the lies that go along with it, “I miss you” is honest and sincere, you only say it when you mean it, and you don’t have to mean it in a big way to really mean it. Unlike “I want you” and its expectations, “I miss you” offers all it has, and waits for nothing in return. Unlike “I need you” and its desperate whines, “I miss you” stands on its own, a whole entity in just three words, devoid of arms that cling to you for life.

“I miss you” means everything and nothing, it is unflinching and honest. It is upbeat and simple, with wisps of longing and clouds of hope. You miss people you used to love, people you used to want, people you used to need. But most of the time the missing is all that’s left, and that’s OK, there’s nothing else you’d change. The missing implies a past that remains in its rightful place. Or it implies the reality and possibilities of the present. It is hope and love and lust and peace all at the same time. Some people say that when they met that person, it was akin to “coming home”. And missing is this manifestation of home-sickness, the way people return to their homelands to die, the way all the comfort the world has to offer is nothing compared to the feeling of being in someone’s arms.

And that’s why I miss you, because you’re not here, and because every time I think about you, that’s all that I think. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, and the world turns for both of us, and I can’t wait until you come home.

i miss you

I miss our long talks about everything and anything under the sun
I miss telling you how i feel
I miss telling you how my day was
I miss telling you about the wonderful things that has happened
I miss hearing your laugh
I miss hearing your stories
I miss the nothingness on the line when we both exhausted all our stories of the day
I miss seeing your eyes laugh when you laugh
I miss hearing you sing when you want to fill the void
Most of all,
I miss you.

8

You Are the Challenger

8 You're brave, impulsive, and gutsy - loving challenges.You act first and think later. And you're not afraid to speak up.You are confident, so much so that you can be a bit bossy at times.Whether people like it or not, you always stand up for yourself.

What number are you?

8

You Are the Challenger

8 You're brave, impulsive, and gutsy - loving challenges. You act first and think later. And you're not afraid to speak up. You are confident, so much so that you can be a bit bossy at times. Whether people like it or not, you always stand up for yourself.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/numberquiz.html">What number are you?

ENIGMA

enigma!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!!

angels

In this life, no matter how down everything may seem, God sends some angels to cheer you up.
Hindi mo sila sobrang kilala, pero, pinapatawa ka nila.
linilibang ka sa mga problema mo, and you forget your problems for sometime.

But you have go back to the places where you cant avoid conflicts and depression.

Just think, in a few hours, you're back to where you CAN forget about your problems.

Im just happy that God gave me a place where i can go everyday and then be surrounded by people who eases your worries and your burdens.

Im glad that God is still there watching over me, sending me angels in different forms.

To those who make me smile, laugh and forget all my troubles, I thank you with all my heart.
Im so happy to have met you and crossed paths with you.

Ang saya.
Maraming Salamat.

idle

bored na nga ako sa bahay,
pati pa ba dito sa opisina bored pa ko.
Shet!

I guess this is what i get when i change jobs.
hehehe.
Waiting for them to train me, but they're so busy doing reports, so there. Oh well, probably by this time next month, ill be like them. working my ass off too. Heheheh.
At least im not doing the same processing stuff over and over again.
Plus at least im doing something way better.
Better for my experience, resume, career and most importantly, my sanity ( i think).

As of Feb 1, 2005, I became an official Business Intelligence Analyst for the AIG-BPSI.
bigatin! heheheh. I just love the title. Sounds so.....important! :)

One of the many blessings that has been showered upon me this year.

All the while i thought that everything was going down. but when i come to think about it again, its really not all that bad.

Like what they say. Everything happens for a reason.
I just continue praying that i make the right decisions.
All the decisions that we make will be detrimental for our near future.
==========================================================
Dear God, help us find our way and make the right decisions.
Please dont ever leave us. Help us see Your plan in Your eyes.
We need You now more than ever.