Surprise Surprise

I had a very pleasant surprise party last night!
Thanks to Ms Carley, Bei, Avee, Ivy, the PMP, the L&C Milwaukee and most specially my dearest friends Kris, Kaye, Les, Noel and my one and only Schiatzi. Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!

You guys really made me so happy :)... and you guys made me cry too.... hehehe.
But i really honestly appreciate what you guys did for me.
Especially since it wasn't normal for you guys to be having 'lunch' at 12 midnight and everything. I know you guys were tired too, but sobrang happy lang talaga ako.
That will definitely be carved in my heart.
Thank you so much for being there for me, for understanding me, for protecting me and most of all, for loving me. Thank you.

I have utter respect and love for you guys. Thank you! :)

whew

after a whole day of shopping at greenhills ( from 10-6 ), bagsak ako. As in when i got home, i ate dinner, changed my clothes and freshened up then fell asleep.
Grabity a! hehehehe. I guess im not used to making lagari the whole day anymore. although i have to get used to it again. At least I got to see my schiatzi kahit 30 mins. hehehe! Aww... love nya nga ako! hehehe! kilig!

dang ISP

I cant check my mail at home because ISP wont allow it. Grrrr! Even mom cant check her mail na. Gosh. I might end up checking mail at the mall nalang. Thank God for Ayala Discount plus. At least libre for 15 minutes. hehehe.
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Gosh, i have less than a week.
Mom and I packed up most of our stuff already.
....hay..... =(

sleepyhead

I shouldn't have gone to the office anymore after my dinner with my friends.
i came to the office at about 10:30, and I ended up sleeping from 12 all the way till 4.
Hehehehehe!!! Good thing there wasnt so much to do. So, i was pretty free to sleep.
But the thing is, syempre dyahe diba?
Oh well.
Got a parting gift from mother G. Ill open it at the house na.
Syempre I didnt expect it, but I really appreciate it.

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Hey schiats, tem tem! Im just really happy. :)

understanding

I talked to someone today. I havent talked to him in a long time, and talking about things that really mattered gave me a boost and a sense of hope again.
First we avoided the topic of our significant others, as it might be a sensitive topic for both of us.
But eventually, things led from one thing to another, and we ended up talking about it.

It felt good to know that the stuff im going thru is actually 'normal' in our situation.
It felt good to know that Im not alone, and im not the only one who felt this way.
It felt good to get some advice from someone who went thru it already and overcame the situation.
Im sure that one day, with God's help, Schiatz and i will overcome it as well.

So to you, many many thanks!

And to my schiats, tem tem.... dont worry.... di pa rin kita papalitan....swerte ka gwapo ka! hahahaha! Love you!

he was SUPER sweet today.
la lang....kinikilig lang ako.....
and it feels good!!!!
Love you schiats!

agreement

Its been decided.
We make the most out of the days left.
And when Bianca and I leave,
we have to think about where our relationship is headed;
what we really want;
If we see each other together OR not in the future;
If we want it bad enough to make it work;
If we believe in it enough to make it happen;
And what's best for Bianca.
And when Bianca and I come back,
we will talk things out;
Lay out our cards
And make our final decision.
Fair enough.

moving on

Now that things are better between my schiatzi and me, a part of me is dreading to leave.
I cant help it. I mean, i guess its understandable to be so anxious to leave and to go to a place where you can forget about everything when things dont go right. But now that things are better, i dont want to leave. And if i do, i really wish i could take him along with me and our angel.
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Had 'lunch' with my girlfriend today. Ang haba ng hair mo a girl! You have 2 guys in line (which makes you happy and im happy for you! At least hindi ka nauubusan diba? hehehe), and another who uses you as a 'template' or standard to find his 'dream' .... could you be the 'dream'? freaky, but possible.
But you know what, Im happy for you! Just continue having fun....para ako kiligin rin sa mga stories! hehehe
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Listened to my officemate today about her woes (apparently, a lot of us had bad luck after the Beach outing on April 23-24). She got herself into a situation she never imagined she would be in. And soon, she would make the right and proper decision about it. After 2-3 months. Im happy she's decided. She also thinks that the only way to move on is to get out of the country. Which is so true. Even I think so. I just pray for the best for her.
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After reading a blog of a friend and listening to friends' stories, the more that I get scared. Why? well, in all the stories that i have read and heard, one thing always pops up- how relationships end because the other finds someone else in the workplace. -That is my biggest fear. Honestly, truthfully and I swear with all my heart, THAT is my biggest fear. That Schiatzi might find someone else, especially while we're away. I trust him and love him with all my heart. Im just holding on to his words.
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Thats all for now, I gotta get out of the office!

better

Im so happy things are so much better between Allan and I. I just hope and pray this would last.
Its just disappointing though to know that I only have 2 weeks left, but im just hoping for the best and do whatever i can to..... whatever. Basta, yun na yun.

Im just happy we're ok.

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Had a great saturday with my bionic friends at Caylabne, curtesy of Ninong Ariel. hehehe.
Galing! It was great to see them again.
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Im sorta brain dead right now. Too much thinking I guess.
I think I should blog again later, when i can think better.

Thank you for being there for me when i needed you guys. You guys really made my day so much better. Thank you! Love you!

UGH!

You stress me out when you KNOW I DONT NEED IT
You're pushing me nearer the edge.
I have been so patient and understanding. You're abusing it.
Be real careful or something is going to happen that you may regret.
It will wholly be MY decision, NOT yours, not my parents, not anyone else's but ME.
Watch your words, watch your actions.
Our time is limited.
If you dont show what needs to be shown soon, tough!
I am bitter and its making me numb.
Numb enough to put lives on the line.
I dont want that to happen, but like i said, its UP TO YOU AND YOUR ACTIONS
I am standing on my own feet.
Im really hurt by you. By all people, you're the last one I expected this from.

"lahat tayo may kanya-kanyang istorya, sa bawat haplos ng hangin, may naiiwang alaala. At sa bukas na puno ng hiwaga, kailangan harapin ng may pananalig at tiwala....." -Enigma
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Lag

My brain is officially lagging today. I cant seem to do my work properly. Its always spacing out. Hay. I know this is the effect of SIGNIFICANT LACK OF SLEEP ( I only had 3 hours total of sleep today. HAy) And depression. My swollen eyes dont help either. Shucks. I only have exactly 15 days before i leave. It really hasnt sunk into me yet. I mean, I know im leaving, but It doesnt feel like it matters to those who it should really matter to, therefore prompting me to start feeling numb and maybe a bit anxious to leave because of the way its making me feel. OUch! I think i heard my heart crack again. Hay.

I am mesmerized by your heartbeat
I am fascinated with your grace
I am touched by your sensitivity
I am bonded by your silent love.

You calm me
You touch my heart
You always put a smile on this face whenever its upsidedown.
Thank you for coming into my life.

In Letting Go

"In letting go..."

There is dignity in not giving up on someone you truly love but there is more dignity in letting them go so they can experience better love.
That shows your true love because you then become unselfish and through putting others first, unconditional love grows.

There is respect in fighting gallantly to win someone's heart another time but an even greater respect comes from fighting hard and knowing when to stop.
Even though you would give anything to have the past back,
that person has touched your life in a way that will make your future so much brighter.Accept that, and hold your head high knowing you have captured their heart as well.There is courage in allowing your heart to hurt and grieve but there is greater courage in knowing it will be scarred but stronger as time goes on.

For whoever caused those scars has made your life better in some way and it will make you a better person when you marry because of what the scars taught you.Losing the person who meant the most in your life is a humbling experience yet it is even more humbling if you allow it to ruin your life and forsake all you have been blessed with when you feel like you have lost your world.Remember how many people depend on you and who you are to the world.

There is fortitude in holding on for another chance although an even greater fortitude comes from extending your hand and heart in friendship realizing you will still share things with that person no one else ever will.You will always have the looks and jokes and memories.
Don't ever discount how special those things are in your heart and theirs.

True love hurts when it is lost, but an even greater love grows inside you through realisation that something better is in the world for both of you.And that there are still things to share with that person even though some feelings may have changed.

Take their hand and help them achieve their hopes and dreams because in that there is dignity, respect, courage, humility, fortitude and the unconditional love that will continue to grow in both of your hearts.

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Got that off a friend's blog. I just HAD to post it coz it hit me real hard. As in Aray!

As per my recent posts, i have been thinking of letting go. This is not the first time it crossed my mind. My situation is just really complicated right now therefore unabling me to think things thru thoroughly. But you know what, maybe learning to let go is something that i should really do. After all, I realize that I am too attached. Leaving my comfort zone for an extended period would allow me to do that. At least I hope it would. Maybe it would put things into better perspective. Slowly i am realizing that I should start these last 3 weeks before I fly. After all, the other one has already started to slowly let go. Why should i continue hoping and praying for something that wont happen anyway? Its like what I remember my officemate said long time back. "kung ayaw, lagi may dahilan; kung gusto, may paraan".

The song playing on my mind is Gary V.'s "Di Bale Nalang"--Perfect.

God, please help me and my angel be strong and overcome this pain we feel.

There is no tomorrow in an environment like this. only later, later, later. Its as if we are perpetually awake. Or at least try to be... or try to sleep.... whatever.
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The dreaded news in the office is finally confirmed.
The walang kwentang director will be transferred to our department to become our direct director. -PAKSHET!
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Di na gumagana utak ko. bukas, este, mamaya ko na tatapusin trabaho ko.

Sleepless

For the past few days..... week actually, I have been sleepless.
Its pretty bothersome. My eyes have been so maga already.
Its affecting my work.

I know i shouldnt let it but how can i not when everywhere i go, there's a different problem.
The thing is, they're not just minor everyday problems, Theyre pretty big.
Ones at home are life-changing... the ones at the office are... career/dignity changing.
Its hard to be at home, and be the sponge, absorbing all the problems, trying and striving to be strong for everyone. But I can only take so much.

I have my own problems. I still try to think positive somehow. I still try to be strong, especially for my angel.

Its this time that I really need you. Please realilze that. Please let me see you.

sayang I couldnt meet up with my sakote friends today. wanted to talk to them to get some things off my chest. Hirap kasi ng takas at tago e. hmph. Thats life for me.
We just cant seem to get a common time together. oh well. Whats new. Thats what happens to me and Allan, as well as my bionic friends, so might as well get used to it right?
Hirap lang na walang kausap. lahat naiipon. Wag lang mangyari na mapuno at sumabog.

im just hoping i get to see Allan, my sakote friends and my bionic friends before i leave.
if not, well, its just me and you against the world, baby.